About nine years ago, my cousin Mohammed passed away.

To this day, I can’t say that I’ve truly gotten over it. In some ways, I feel like losing him has only become more painful as the years have gone by.

The strange thing is, I never really showed anyone how deeply it affected me back then. Maybe I was too young. Maybe I simply didn’t know how to express what I was feeling. But as I grew older, I began to realize that losing him left a much bigger mark on me than I ever expected.

I still remember the day I found out that he had passed away. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the details of that day. It was one of the hardest days I’ve ever been through, and I pray that no one ever has to experience the pain of losing someone they love that way.

What most people may not know is that Mohammed still visits me in my dreams.

Every time I see him, I’m shocked. For a moment, it feels like he has come back.

But he never speaks. He only smiles.

And as soon as I wake up… everything comes back.

The sadness comes back. The feeling that I’ve just received the news of his death all over again.

Sometimes I sit and wonder… why do I still dream about him after all these years?

I don’t have an answer.

But what I do know is that I haven’t forgotten him for a single day.

Mohammed was a loyal and kind person. He loved me and my brothers. One of the things I love remembering about him is that, when he was young, he used to give the call to prayer at the mosque.

Whenever I remember that, I pray that Allah makes every call to prayer he gave a source of reward for him.

During the last days of his life, he was in the hospital, suffering from his illness. Unfortunately, because I was young, I never visited him.

Maybe that is something that still hurts me to this day.

I wish I had seen him one last time, even if it had only been for a few minutes.

Maybe this is the first time I’ve ever spoken about him like this.

For all these years, I kept all of these feelings inside. But I felt that it was time to write about him.

Not to bring the sadness back, but so that people can pray for him.

Maybe someone who never knew him will read this and make a sincere prayer for him. And maybe that prayer will raise his rank with Allah.

If you’ve made it this far, I have one simple request.

Please pray for Mohammed.

Maybe your prayer will be a reason for Allah to have mercy on him.

Maybe it will be a light for him in his grave.

May Allah have mercy on you, Mohammed.

And I ask Allah…

that we meet again in Paradise.